Director Speak.............

Work has seemed to step up a level for me. All of sudden people are realizing that I run a dept, and they are starting to come to me for everything. This is ok, as I am knowledgable and can explain or take care of most things.
However, our Director of Finance keeps calling me and asking me questions. He asks in such a way, that I am saying to myself "what the hell is he asking me?" He is vague, and his questions don't make sense to me. He is asking me about bank accounts and things that I assume his dept. should have the answers to, not me. I end up not being able to give him what he is looking for.(whatever the hell that might be) then he says, "I'll just call someone else, never mind," then hangs up. He never says Good bye. I am left to feel like a complete incompetent idiot.
So, then I run to someone else and try to piece together what he is after, then I go into his office and provide what I hope he is looking for out of me. He just looks at me, kinda confused like, and says "yeah, ok"
I want to scream "what grade did you get in your communications class in college???" But of course, I do not. He has Director in his title.
I would rather deal with the mail room guy. He asks questions and I understand exactly what he needs. "Fed Exes need to go out on Friday this week". It's simple.
I'm not cut out for this kind of pressure.
jb

Lessons learned...

Well, my friend is going home from the hospital today. Unbelievable. She had an MRI today and they believe they truly did get all of the big tumor. She will be gamma knifed on the rest after her wounds heal. (2 weeks or so). So, this is all fantastic news.

Watching her go through this has really inspired me in my own life. I have been looking at how I struggle with my life's woes. I realize we are not all Edie and everyone finds their own way to get through life. But I must say, I have been humbled by watching her.

It just seems that there is another way to approach life and I see that my way is not always the best for me. Will I make changes in my attitude? Will I be more pro active in my own life? I'm not sure. My hope is that I can carry some of the spirit of my friend with me and when I feel like I can't get through something, I will remember her fight, and that may be just the kick in the ass I need.
She has inspired us all and the key for me, is not to be inspired only for a few days, but to take the lesson we have all learned from her and carry it with us forever.

So, while Edie goes home( to where she can finally wash her hair), I will go about my day, hopefully with more gratitude and grace than before.


jb

Good News!

I don't know if anyone is reading this, but it makes me feel better writing about it anyway.
Edie has come out of surgery and is awake and doing well!(as well as anyone who just had cancer removed from their brain)
They feel pretty confident they removed all of the one large tumor. They will do an MRI tomorrow to make sure. They will wait until the staples are out her head and then they will go in and Zap the hole the tumor left with radiation. (to make sure!) They will then zap the other three that are in there.
that girl kicks ass! With her strong will and all the people that were praying for her tonite, I believe the beginning of a miracle has happened. Going into this, the Doctors were not all that confident it would be so successful.
Little did they know who they were dealing with. I'm sure there is a long road ahead and the future will be uncertain. But just for tonite, alot of people are going to sleep a whole lot better and there is gratitude in the universe.
jb

waiting.........

So, the candles are burning in my house and all my thoughts are turned towards Edie.
She is in surgery as I type. They say it is anywhere from a 3 to 5 hour surgery. She went under at 3:30.
The family has created a website where we can post messages, and be kept informed of any updates. I cherish that they are doing this for us.
There are pictures of Edie as they were prepping her for surgery. She is laughing and smiling in true Edie form. They say she was joking and making all the staff laugh. Unbelievable.
But I see her with the things on her forehead and the IV's in her arm and there is a picture of her husband kissing her, and my heart aches for him.
The messages on her website just prove what an amazing spirit she is. All the words echoing the others. It is amazing how one human being can touch so many others in the way she has. It is like nothing I have seen. All the thank you's for her being there for us. Imagine, her being there for us! Now, it is our turn.
So, I sit, I wait, I eat, I pay bills, but all the while praying they can remove the whole tumor and that all goes well and that my dear friend will be removed of all the nastiness that is in her brain right now.
I wait for the next update. It has been four hours.
jb

A night to remember.........

So, tonite was the dinner for all the Regional managers from accross the US and all the managers from my office. It is a big deal. It was to be a good-bye to our CEO as well. I was invited. I thought my name got on the e-mail invite by mistake, but they tell me it was no mistake. I guess when you run a whole dept, you get to go to these things. Woo-Hoo, free seafood!!!
This is my first event like this and I was a little nervous. We were all gathered around the bar waiting for everyone to arrive and in walks Edie! This is the woman who is having brain surgery tomorrow. She and her husband came to be with us tonight. It occurred to me at that moment, that these were not just co workers I was standing with, but family.
Edie looked absolutely beautiful.The fact that she chose to spend part of her night with us really overwhelmed me.
We had a very nice dinner; there were lots of toast to the CEO etc. Then Edie got up and spoke to us. She said they had to go home now, but thanked all of us for being there for her. At that moment all 70 or so of us got on our feet and one by one held Edie and said what we needed to say to her. Giving her all the love we could. I held onto her and found it hard to let go.
As each person hugged her and I watched grown men in suits, with tears streaming down their faces I thought to myself, "by god, if love can cure all, this girl is gonna be up and running in no time"
It is the first time I have seen Edie openly weep.
As I watched her hug the last person and head for the stairs, the tears falling out of me uncontrollably, I realized how much she has touched my life. To have this night with her was necessary for all of us.
May the force be with you tomorrow Edie.
jb

The violets need water Edie.............

Ok, maybe this blog is an out outlet for me. I try to keep it light, but it never works.....
Got some bad news today. My dear friend Edie who has been battling cancer (and winning for the most part), has now been diagnosed with brain cancer. She has 4 tumors in her brain; one the size of an egg. She will undergo brain surgery on Thursday to try to remove the biggest one.
As I heard her tell me to sit down, everything went kinda fuzzy. I heard her say the words " I have brain cancer". I remember her telling me to breathe. Which I did. She then gave me the details. I just looked at her face while the words came out of her, not quite grasping what I should be doing or saying. Edie is such an amazing human being. She has comforted us through her ordeals far more than we have comforted her. She told me it was going to be ok. I asked all the usual questions; what is the sucess rate of this surgery, recovery time etc. She said are you asking me if I'm terminal? Cuz, I have fucking brain cancer, of course I'm terminal. She said the surgery was just buying her time. She seemed at peace with the whole thing. Very optimistic. Unbelievably so, in fact. The spirit of Edie is like none I have seen in any other human being.
This woman was my rock through my divorce. She was the one who took my divorce papers to the court house when I could not make my feet move, She is the one, on my first Holiday alone,who had me to her house for Thanksgiving dinner with her family.
She is the one who finally got me to laugh again. We laughed alot back then.
So, Thursday at 3:30, she will have her brain operated on. They will do the best they can to remove the tumor. She joked that she needs to sneak her hairdresser into the operating room to make sure they shave her hair properly. She will survive the surgery. But like she told me, it is just buying her time. She says "tell anyone you want about me. The more people that know, the more prayers there will be for me."
I don't understand why it has to be happening to her. This woman who brings so much to others, should not be facing this. But she is. My heart is with her. She is such a fighter and I need her to keep on fighting. That's the thing about these things, we need the people to fight not only for themselves, but for us too.

jb

Hillary Clinton for President.........

Ok, the blog needs an uplifting post. My gawd, maybe I shoudn't always pour out my feeings on here.
I do not want to come accross as either pathetic or desperate. (although I have been both on occasion) There is more to me believe it or not.

Let's move on........

This is a pretty powerful day for America. Hillary Clinton has announced her run for presidency. (or at least a presidential advisory committe, same thing)
I am thrilled to death about this. She would make an excellent President in my opinion. I will back her all the way.
I'm not sure the country will vote in a woman. After all, we have the PMS thing and all.
I hope the right wing conservatives can put their sexist, bigoted views in the garbage can where they belong and look at her as a candidate who could make the changes we so desperately need.

I for one am ready to have the Clintons back in the White house. Maybe this time it will be Hillary who finds herself a hot young intern to get her through the stress of it and once again, our Country will be back on track!!!!
She's allready got my vote.

jb

It was a quiet snow.....................

I have spent alot of time alone. I really hate living alone most of the time.
When it snows, there is noone to take a walk with or enjoy your scrambled eggs with while looking out the window. Everything is kind of lessened when you are alone. When something is funny on TV there is noone to say "ha, that was funny!' to.
Today was one of those lonely days. I watched people outside playing in the snow and taking walks and it just made me kind of sad.
The real bitch about living alone though is when you really want to play cribbage and you realize you have left your cribbage board at your ex's house and then realizing it wouldn't matter if you didn't.

jb

So, I'm the tax man.............

I think I should be a tax person. I just did my taxes, long form, and it took me less than an hour. I used to pay my tax guy like 290.00 to do the same thing. I thougt it was too complicated with the house interest etc. Ha! I downloaded all the forms, schedules etc and whipped em out. I am getting a nice little refund from both parties. This is good because I'm booking a trip to California any day now and was a little nervous about affording it. I'm not stressed about it now.
So, I should hang a shingle outside and do other people's taxes. I could make a mint. However it does kind of drain you. I feel like I need a nap.
If I had to do that all day, I would be a walking zombie. Numbers just suck the life out of you.

So, that was my Friday night! I really need to get something else going.

jb

As Rocky sees it..........

The window goes up, and the window goes down all with the push of a button. I didn't realize what a luxury that is!

Just returned from seeing Rocky Balboa.I must say I loved it. My son however thought it to be cheesy. But, I shed my fair share of tears during the movie.(and, she cried) I think the message is what got me. "life is about how many punches you can take and still get up and keep fighting" It's kind of sad that it's that way. What makes good character is not how bitching about how many punches your getting, but how many you can take and keep going. I feel like Rocky in the 9th round somedays.

Now, I head off to celebrate my 16 years of clean time at my meeting tonight. I have no idea what I want to talk about. I would like to sit up there and go on and on about how great life is being clean, blah, blah, blah, but my message just may be that sometimes you gotta take the punches and get back up. I know as long as I don't use I can probably continue to do that. For that I need to be grateful.
jb

New year, new direction?

Well, it only seems appropriate that my very first blog ever was about my car window, and my first post of 2007 tackles the same topic.
You remember the window that doesn't roll up or down with the button? I have to do it manually and it has been my silent rebellion. Somehow I found a little bit of control over my life by successfully manuerving that window into place 8 times a day.
It also pissed certain people off that drove my car. Another plus.
I was speaking with a pal of mine today, and after he got caught up on what has been happening in my life as of late, he says to me; "do you know what the definition of insanity is? It is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."
My next call was to the Subaru guy. My window gets fixed on Saturday.
It's a start............