Plastered on the internet........

Much to my dismay, I have once again signed on to yet another dating site. I hate these sites for many reasons. I have managed to have one coffee date with someone I did not want to see again, and 3 dates with someone whom I did not want to see again, and I believe he did not want to see me again. (me crying on his back deck, might have been the deal breaker!)
But, not knowing what else to do, I signed up on a new one I had never heard of. As I look through the many pictures of people just as desperate as I, I get that same sick feeling. We are all plastering ourselves on the internet in hopes of something happening, yet most of us don't have the nerve to make anything happen.
Three people sent notice "they were interested" ( a nifty little tool that allows you to show interest without saying anything) I read their profiles and realize they are probally not for me. I sent out 2 interest notifications and two e-mails and have yet to hear back. I used to think I wasn't of interest to people, but I'm starting to think people just don't have the nerve to take the next step. It's not like meeting someone in person. You are being "viewed" by people online and it's just weird.
But, I have decided a bad date or two is probablly better than no date. It breaks the cycle and maybe will start the ball rolling. I don't know.
And as long as your face is plastered on the internet for someone to see there is always hope.....
I really would hate to have to say someday, "we met online" I would much rather say "we met in line at Starbucks, and it just went from there" but a girl has to do what a girl has to do, regarless of how much she hate the process.

jb

Therapy or Network TV?

I think I need to be in therapy. Things I thought I had dealt with seem to be creeping back up on me.
This came to light when I watching Grey's Anatomy the other night. I found myself feeling just a little too much over a TV show.
I realize, what I thought I had forgiven, I have not. Because some things are just unforgivable. I have carried on as if I have forgiven someone. I allowed myself on several occasions to reenter someone's life because I had "forgiven".
I think you can forgive many things. I have forgiven my children the many things they have done to hurt me. I have forgiven my Father for things, and many others along the way, but some things really are just unforgivable.
And like it was said at the end of the show..
When you just can't forgive, the best you can hope for is to forget.

I feel some anger and sadness that hasn't been there in awhile, but somehow empowered that I really don't have to forgive.
It may sound weird, but realizing I do not forgive what has happened(over and over again) makes me feel somewhat normal in this situation. This is how I should feel. This is what may keep me from ever returning to the same situation. I know that forgivness can set us free, but sometimes false forgiveness or just wanting to forgive leads to stupidity.

Ok, who really needs therapy when we have shows like Grey's Atanomy to put it all in perspective?

jb

Stocking up for winter.......

I think my seasonal shopping has begun. I don't mean Christmas gift shopping, I mean stuff for me. Every year at this time I start buying redicilous things I don't really need. I, just on a whim, ran and bought new flannel sheets. I had perfectly good flannel sheets, but they didn't match my new comforter I bought a few months back. I justified this purchase buy telling myself, "the grandkids are spending the night Sat. and they should have nice warm sheets to sleep on, (ones that match)
Next, it will be candles. I have enough allready, but I will buy more.
There is something comforting about flannel sheets and candles!
I will be drawn to Fred Meyers like a moth to the light.
Do other people buy things like this impulsively this time of the year?
It's some kind of nesting thing with me I guess. Everything just looks so much more appealing this time of the year.
Oh well, It's not like I'm taking the PGE money and buying stuff, so it's ok. And tonight, I am looking forward to sleeping on my new flannel sheets and how can that be bad?
jb

The rain is here..........

What is it about the hearing the rain pour outside while you're in your house that is so pleasant?
I don't even want to go to bed, I just want to sit here and listen to the rain.
Check with me in November and see if I still like the rain, but for tonight I am enjoying it.
I wish I had a tin roof.
jb

Holding it together with the help of some crazy people....

Well, the 12 hour days have arrived! I knew they were coming. The only good thing is that just means we are closer to the end of this god forsaken project. I'm no good at these kind of hours and stress. I had to tell my Implementation lady yesterday, "when you talk right now, all I am hearing is whah, whah, whah." I said "I must go home". A girl knows her limits. I don't think she knew what to make of that, but it was the truth.
So, today in a fit of stress, I venture downstairs to the main office to see what I can see. I visit my friend Edie. She says let's have lunch, I say "i'm free in December" She says " Dear God, I'm throwing out a prayer" Then she says to me "everyone needs a little Jesus in their pocket. I say yeah, ok.(thinking she is speaking metephorically) She says" no, really"and she pulls out a little Jesus out of her pocket. This puts me into fits of laughter. This is so random. I laughed until I cried. Truly I am losing it. And truly she is a crazed woman. ( not an overly religous woman either, which makes this all the more random and hysterical)
My project manager has told me to come down anytime and he will play the muppet song on his phone, which he discovered the other day makes me laugh.
So, this is what is holding me together, a little Jesus in the pocket and the Muppet song via cell phone.
You take what you can get......
jb