Human life...

Today I thought about human life. Is one life more valuable than another? My friend who has cancer informed me today that it has spread into her bones, spine, liver and kidneys. There will be no more surgeries.
I stood before her wondering how this was possible. She still looks fairly good aside from being too skinny,and all the visible scars on her head from the five brain surgeries. And she is still at work! Work keeps her going she says. The pain is managable at this point, but won't be for long.
I could not ask the question.. but she knew, so she said, "I don't know how long, I don't ask" but she is getting her affairs together. Planning for hospice when it is time. We talked about when we first met. She was bald and going through Chemo.I was happily married. One year later, she had hair and I was getting divorced. We saw each other through it. We cried together day after day. She showed me her breasts after her reconstructive surgery. The breasts were back, but so were the zillions of scars from all the other surgeries. I remember thinking WOW! no one would guess what lies under this 200.00 Italian silk shirt. The battle scars. There have been many more battle scars added to those since that day. She was my inspiration for my own breast surgery. She literally led my way right into it. She is the first person who made me laugh again when my life was at it's worst. It started getting better after that. Her tumors were shrinking and I was healing. We talked today about my daughter and my grandaughter. Everytime she sees me she asks about both of them. She was there for me through all of it. Always the voice of logic.
But now, I am healing and on my way to what is sure to be better times ahead, and she is dying. This is so unfair to me I can't stand it.
It got me to thinking about the homeless man I pass on the street wearing the pee stained pants, having imaginary conversations, drooling and picking up cigarette butts. There is no quality of life for him. Is his life as significant and worthy as hers? Why does God leave someone like that to suffer everyday and let someone else die who is so young, vibrant, and full of life? I would like to scream "take him damnit! No one will even notice!" But It dosn't work like that.
I remember the day we cranked up "On the cover of the Rolling Stones" in Edie's office and her and I danced around and sang really loudly. That was a good day.
Like she said today, I am still here. I havn't left yet. She joked that she just might work up until the last minute. She would say to us,,hmm, I don't feel so good and then she would just die. She said to me "don't let it be no Weekend at Bernies. Don't be dragging my dead ass all over the place. When I'm gone, I'm gone.
I laughed through the tears. Then she looked me in the eye and said "jo,jo...I'm ready".
My day was useless after that.
jb

My life and the gay men in it........

What is it with Gay men in my life? There seems to be alot of them. Which is ok, because gay men make excellent friends. Seriously. They seem to more outgoing and willing to do things such as go see "Singing in the Rain" with you and they always comment on your outfit or shoes. (good or bad, believe me)
Every book I have read in the past year has been written by a gay man. My current read explores Gay marriage.
My two newest friends are both gay.
I am going camping with them in July. One has never been. He asked me if I would put up his tent for him. (which I'm sure will be a 3 room villa). I said no, but I would show him how to do it.
I have taught a gay man to throw a football for the first time, create his first smores, and next, how to camp. This man was once a dancer in Vegas and gets pedicures every two weeks, so it should be intersting.
One thing a gay man cannot provide me however is anything beyond friendship.Having gay men as friends will only lead you to meet more gay men. Why are straight, single, 40 something men not coming into my life as well? What is the message here?
Is it just easier to attract someone you will never have a romantic connection with?
Who knows. But in the meantime, I know my shoes will always get a comment whether it be a "CUTE SHOES" or the famous look with a "uh, huh" which means you must never wear those shoes again.
jb