forever friends

It's weird how I can have friends that I don't talk to but about once a year. But I pick up the phone and it's like they've been there all along. There is something comforting about these kinds of friends. I have a few friends like this, and I often wish they were in my life more. But circumstances kind of changed that. When you used to be "couple" friends, and now you are no longer a couple, things change. But I love that I can pick up the phone, and have a conversation that makes me feel good inside.
These people care, they know what's up and what I have been through, and are always happy to hear from me. What ends up happening is I highlight my life to catch up with them, and when you kind of just hightlight your life, it really sounds pretty good. You don't share the lonliness or any of the bad stuff with them, because that's not the purpose of the call.
Today, I called one of these people and had a nice chat, and I hung up the phone with a smile on my face. Forever friends just know you, and even if it's been a year, it dosn't matter.
Promises were made to keep in better touch, but I know it will be awhile before we talk again, and that's ok.
Tonight, I feel a little better because I made the call. It's like that feeling you get when you walk into your mom's house. Familiar and secure. You know if you really needed something, they are who you would call. There would be no questioned asked, they would just be there.
Everyone needs these kinds of friends and tonite I'm grateful for mine.
jb

just another day......

Today, as I'm out in my yard, I hear some really good music coming from somewhere in the neighborhood. I think this is nice, since I'm working outside and it's sunny and all.
I realize it's Jim Croce. Then I realize it's coming from the Racist neighbors house!
What the hell? I can't figure out how you go from racial garbage to Jim Croce.
The music is loud, but I realize i'm not minding it because it is daytime and it is good music. Now, if this was the other crap he blasts, I would be livid and disgusted and planning some kind of action.
I would never call the cops and say "my neighbor is playing really good music and I"m enjoying it." But I would call if it was the other stuff.
Freedom of Speech will surely play into this when I have to address it. The content of what he plays is not what I will be able to fight with the law. It will have to be the noise level itself. Damn our constitution.
jb

Taking on the neighborhood, one racist at a time...

I have made a decision that this summer, I am not going to tolerate my neighbor. While sitting on my porch two days ago, I heard a song blasting from his house. It was a song about killing black people and how they smell etc. (not the word used, but I can't even type it)
He sits in his front yard with his gang of racial compadres and they get drunk. I have a feeling they could get pretty mean if confronted, so I do not march down there.
Sometimes what blasts from his house is this voice preaching some crap. It sounds very Hitler like, and it can go on for hours.
My neighbors do not seem to be in any hurry to do anything about this. I never see anyone come out, or even look his way.
I have decided I am not going to be scared. People like him thrive on intimidating others, and I for one am not going to be intimidated in my own neighborhood.
I absolutely cannot live amungst this racial shit.It turned my stomach to hear the words that were screaming through what should have been a beautiful sunny day.
The question is how do I fight this war without getting crosses burned in my front yard. I'm not sure, but trust the war is on.........
jb

Words of a mother.......

It's 1:30 am and I wake from a dead sleep to someone pounding on my door. My heart starts racing and I instinctelvely grab for my bat that I have beside my bed.
I picture some kind of rapist or loonatic at my door. (yes, sometimes rapists knock)
For about 2 minutes I am paralyzed with fear. I can't go look out the window, I can't move. I'm sure my time has come.
I dial 911 and tell the guy someone is pounding on my door and I'm scared. I tell him I am too scared to move. He tells me to try to look out the window. So, with my 90 lb wooden bat in hand, I go to the window and look out.
I tell the 911 guy, "disregard my call, I am sorry, I know this person"
I then open the door to let my daughter in. (whom I had forgetten was in town)
She says " you told me never to get in a car with someone who has been drinking so I took the bus to your house"
I am relieved it is not someone trying to kill me.
I am even then more relieved that she made the decision she did. Somehow, tonite of all nights, the words of her mother were with her. I then realize this could have been a knock at my door for other reasons had she made a different decision.
I go back to bed thinking that maybe, just maybe this is a turning point for her somehow. That maybe my usually irresponsible child is growing up.
I drift back to sleep very grateful that she is on my couch.
jb

illegal immigration....two sides to the story

Today, I watched on the sidelines as several hundred hispanic kids took to the street to protest a possible law that would deem being an illegral immigrant a crime.
There were no adults, only high school aged children.
I am not in support of their cause. I have my own views on illegal immigration. I personally don't believe if you're in our country illegally that you have the same rights as the citezens of that country. But, I am open minded, and like to view both sides of the fence before I make decisions for myself.
I truly wish illegal immigrants would take this same passion to the streets of their own countries. They should be angry at their own government.

As I watched these kids walk by, I read their signs, and I heard their words. One sign read "I am an illegal, not a criminal" I had to shake my head at this one. While I don't support their cause, I did feel a certain connection to them. I know what it is like to take to the streets for something you believe in so fiercely. For this, I respected them and felt their passion. It made me realize, borders aside, we are all just human beings fighting for what we believe in.

I tried to hold onto this feeling. Then I watched the news tonite, and listened to a young hispanic girl state that "they" are the only ones doing the hard work. That Americans only want to sit in their offices and do nothing.
This outraged me. I took it very personal. I wanted to scream at her and run a list down of every nasty, hard, disgusting job I have held. I have done jobs to feed my kids, that most people wouldn't consider. I know hard work, I know disgusting, I know getting paid shit for working your butt off. To me, it was a disrespectful thing for her to say.
I offend some people with my beliefs. This is ok. I will not keep my beliefs to myself for fear of offending others. I need to speak what I feel and fight for what I believe in.
I piss people off every day of my life with my views. But like the saying says, "if your not outraged, you're not paying attention"
Maybe I am just helping others to start paying attention.
Maybe this young girl was doing the same. Is there really any difference between us?
jb

softball

I'm about one step from going political on this thing. I have some serious issues with the whole illegal immigration situation. But, I know if I start writing about that I will get all worked up, and I'm supposed to be on a break from that.
So, instead, my mind turns to softball. Nothing about softball outrages me or puts me in a foul mood. In fact, nothing makes me happier.
I found myself at a girls little league game last night. I was cheering for children that are not even my own. It is all because I truly love the sport. I can watch anyone play it and for that two hours all is well. The crack of the bat, watching a catcher hussle her ass off to keep the ball in front of her, or seeing a double play, now that's what I'm talking about. Pure joy.
I myself play softball, and while I am on the field, nothing else matters. I am just plain ole happy the whole time. I love my new bat, I love my old glove, I love my teammates. When I take the turn off of I-5 and I can see the softball field from my car, I get that great feeling inside.
I think softball is the one thing in my life that allows me to be totally present in the moment. No worries.
So, I am anxiously awaiting my first game, and look forward to knowing that for the next 6 months, for a couple hours a week, I will be totally and completely at peace.
jb

you are what you eat

It's occured to me that too much of any one thing is bad for me. Which has caused me to not listen to the news lately, (and I am a news junkie.) I found myself feeling hopeless and angry every time I read about some new thing our President was saying or doing. I was becoming obsessed with the state of our country. I find our President the biggest self serving, out of touch, lying jackass there is. But the more informed I became, the worst I felt. So, I have tuned out for awhile.
I find the same to be true about the people I put myself around. If I am around someone who is always angry, bitching about the human race in general, and basically just spewing venom, I start to take on that attitude. While, I don't want to live in a fairy tale, I also don't want to belong to the venom spewing crowd.
I needed to refocus my thoughts, so I have spent the last 4 days working around my house trying to make it look nice and have spent some time with kids. Other people's and my own. Sometimes kids get it right, whether they are 4 or 20. I learned something from both of them these past few days. Mostly I learned that there is alot of good in the world when you put yourself around it. Seeing the world through the eyes of a 4 yr old can certainly put anyone in a positive spirit and listening to the logic of a 2o yr old can whip some perpespective into your life.
I am still saving my war protesting sign for the next march, and don't think I'm cured yet of cussing out a driver or two, but for me, It's about knowing when too much of something is becoming bad for me. Sometimes, I have to redirect myself.
If you eat asparagus you pee green. If you don't like to pee green, you don't eat the asparagus. It's that simple.
jb

Bad hair or just damn good music?

Today, I think about 80's rock bands. For me, it was bands like Quiet Riot, Bon Jovi, Scorpions, Ronny James Dio, Michael Shenker Band, UFO, Journey, REO Speedwagon, Uriah Heep, Head East.
Back to a time when I wore straigh leg levi's, tucked inside black boots, bandanas tied around my leg, and a black leather coat.
The music of these bands got me through high school, friendships, breakups with the ONLY man I could ever love, good parties, bad parties, good trips and bad trips and the forever nagging parents.
I'm remembering all the concerts at the Paramount, (where if you hid in the basement a few hours before, a guy named Stubby would get you in for free)This of course, now known as the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall. In the basement of that place was all these hallways and empty rooms and we literally just sat down there for hours, drinking the hours away while we waited. When the music started you came up, gave a nod to Stubby and proceeded in.
Music has always been the one thing that's seen me through all the stages of my life. Without these bands to see me through my teen years, I might not have made it out!
Today, my mucic collection looks a lot different. It's full of Norah Jones, Tracy Chapman, Train, Mullins, Great Big Sea, some John Mayer and probally more matchbox Twenty than I need.
But every once in awhile I hear a Scorpians song, or Back in Black by AC/DC and I can't help remembering.... and I get that longing inside for a simpler time, a time when a rock band could make everything ok.
jb

It's only a leak

I am sensing an Andy Rooney thing going on by blog. Maybe it's from all those letters to the editor the Oregonion never printed of mine. The one they did print, they edited the best part out.
Today, I fixed a leaky faucet! My kitchen sink had a nice, unstoppable flow of hot water going on. (why is is never the cold water?) I remembered a George Morlan "how to" commerical and thought, "I can fix this. "
So, with an Allen wrench in hand, I proceeded to dismantle. Just as the commerical showed, there was the culprit underneath. One drive to George Morlan ,6 bucks and some very nice advice later, (from a very well mannered man, I might ad, which delighted me. )
I am back at the sink.
Fixed! No more leak. My handle is not quite in the same position as before, but hey, no more leak!
I wanted to feel some sense of satisfaction. Some kind of "woman on her own" thing. Instead, I just thought, crap, now I gotta do the dishes.
I guess some things are just things. The chores of being a homeowner. Why do I always want everything to bring about some grandeous feeling? Not sure, but today, I learned when the faucet leaks, you fix it, and go about your fricking business. There will be no "faucet fixing" parade for me today.
JB

chicken or rooster?

Yesterday, I am driving by my neighborhood park. I always look over to see if there are any kids I know playing softball. I used to take my dog to this park, so I always like to look at the people with their dogs. Well, on this particular day, as I am looking over to see what I can see, I see a guy walking a chicken! He was just walking along with this chicken by his side. I asked myself "was that guy walking a chicken?" And then it was like my mind couldn't comprehend what I saw and I never thought of it again until just now (a day later.)
It got me wondering what this guys house looks like. Does he have a wife? Does she ever walk the chicken? Is this legal? Does he give the chicken a treat after their walk? Does he carry a plastic bag for the chicken poop?
I think I was better off before I started pondering the chicken walker. Sometimes our minds know when to just view something and then never think of it again. This one crept back up on me.
jb

Good Manners

I have been wondering lately what ever happened to good manners? Most of us were raised with them. I'm not just talking the please and thank you. Almost everyone does that. I mean good manners in the way we conduct ourselves with our fellow man.
I miss the "Hi, how are you doing today?" when I am at the grocery store or walking into a business. Most people seem so bothered by their own lives they forget that simple good manners go a long ways.
If you have an appt. with someone, and you don't show up, that is bad manners. A simple phone call to say I can't make it would be good manners.
Telling someone they look nice when they obviously have made an effort to do so, is good manners. Bringing a flower to a date, or pouring someone a cup of coffee shows good manners.
Simple things like saying good morning to your coworkers or asking someone how their ailing husband is, shows good manners.
I have noticed a lack of these things in the world today. People seem so caught up in their own little bubble. I often have thought that people were just jackasses, or snobby, or selfish. I don't know that this is the case. I think people have just forgotten the art of good manners.
I miss them. It's a way of conducting ourselves that reflects well on us as individuals.
We know better, we have just got caught up in a world that no longer puts importance on these simple things. We are more concerned with what your cell phone # is, than how your sick dog is. We would rather have an e-mail address so we can write to you later, instead of sitting down and having a cup of coffee and a real conversation with you.
It's become that simple to me, we are missing good manners and I want them back in our world.
So, on that thought, please have a nice day, thank you for reading my post, I hope your dog is better, and If you would like a cup of coffee, I would gladly pour it for you.
JB

lifestyles

Lifestyles are a strange thing. I can be friends and aquaintances with all kinds of people, but I do not always fit into their lifestyles. This became very clear to me while volunteering for the Red Dress Party. There I am, amungst these great people, all working for a cause. As I looked around the room we were setting up, it was so obvious I could no more enjoy the very party I was preparing, than fly to the moon.
There was a bar stocked with Red Bull and lots of Vodka, garbage cans, a stage, several seating areas; all the makings of a party. There were also little seperate rooms that had themes. There was a lot of red fur and mirrors. The area in the back had several beds, adorned with red fur, and white sheets. A man was attaching some kind of swing to the ceiling. Everything was very vivid and tacky, yet, somehow, there was an elegance going on as well.
There was a room set up way in the back with a big sign advertising what would be happening in that room. There were black curtains hanging to make seperate little areas. My volunteer partner enlightened me on what I now know as the "back room."
It then became very clear to me this party was going to attract a certain lifestyle that I choose not to partake in. Yet I was happy to be helping create it.
Tonite, lots of men, women, gays, transexuals, and straights will be wearing red dresses; some with fishnet stockings and stilletos, some with fur trim, some will carry whips, some will wear diamonds,some will wear beautiful shoes and some army boots and they will be having one hell of a good time. All in the name of a cause near and dear to my heart. The fight for people affected by HIV/AIDS.

I will not be attending the Red Dress Party, but I am thankful for each and every person that will be. I thank them from the bottom of my heart for being who they are, for partaking in what makes them happy, and most of all for giving of themselves in the process.
May the Red Dress Party be a nite they will never forget.

jb

Keeping it light

I am pondering the words, "keep it light". My life has been anything but light for the past few years. I could use this space that I have somehow grown to love in the few short hours I have owned it, to pour out my woes, analyze my feelings, share my heartbreak. But I have learned that there is a time to do those things, and there is a time to stop doing those things.
Does one really heal when one is so busy focusing on the healing???. Or does one move forward by eventually trying a different angle?
So, I have decided not to use this space at this time for my original intent and try to something new. There's a whole other side of me that has been shut down. Maybe it's time to explore the sillier side of me, the side of me that wonders if cows are really as sad as they look.
So, today, I am giving of myself. I am volunteering some time to set up for a fundraiser tonite.
The fundraiser benefits my favorite cause. My favorite new friend will be there helping as well, and this makes me happy.
So, while I am sure I will still need to stop and deal with the feelings, or analyze some situations, I do not have to stay there.
You never know when someone will say something to you and those words will stick with you for awhile. Today, the words "keep it light" will carry me through the day.

JB