Could we have an election allready?...

I am ready for the election to be over. I am finally sick of the politics. I couldn't even watch the whole debate. It is just blah, blah, blah, to me right now.
I am even tired of hearing Obama talk. I think they are both full of shit. Of course I still believe Obama will make a good President and if he dosn't win, I am moving to Canada, but it's just the same ole crap. All day long.

My friend from California called yesterday. She knows nothing about politics, but has suddenly decided she wants to. She says to me.. "I am pro choice. I mean pro life, I mean whatever it is that says I believe in a woman's right to choose, that's what I am. Does that make me a Republican?"
This is a very intelligent woman asking me this. It scares me that there are a lot of people out there like that.
I assured her she was a full fledged daisy wearing liberal and to just vote Obama.
I didn't have the energy to go any further............
jb

I only knew you were thirsty...

I just watched the movie 'The Fisher King'. It was one of the best movies I have ever seen. Perfect.
It made me miss my dear friend from camp. A story he told us about himself led me to the story of the Fisher King and then the movie. I now understand him so much more.

Some people are brought into our lives for a reason. He was brought into mine for many.

It is unfortunate for me that he will probably not return into my life. It is hard to realize you love someone and may very well never see them again.

I needed more time.

jb

they say it takes a year of seasons...

How is it some people love being single and living alone? Do they really? or have they just succombed to it and therefore try to convince themselves and others that they really love it.
I will not be one of those people. Some days living alone is so much worse than other days. The days when you walk into your house and you just want to scream or close the door, get back into your car and drive to some strangers house, walk in and say "hi honey, I'm home".
The upside to being single is you can do whatever you want. This is really the only upside. I miss the days when I actually needed to call someone, or leave a note telling them where I was. Now, I can not come home from work, be gone for hours and noone even knows.
There was a period of time I thought I might never be in a realtionship again. That maybe I had my chance, and it's gone. But I am now in the frame of mind that I am actually preparing myself for someone incredibly perfect for me. This person will appear to me before March of 2009.
I told myself I need exactly one year away from my ex husband. No contact, no sightings, nothing. At that point, it would be completely out of my system and I would then be good to go. I am about 6 months into it. Although, he has attempted contact with me, I have refused to recipricate. For the past five years it has been back and forth and sideways with him. This is the longest I have not talked to him, ever. It has been good. Even though he is off doing other things, he still attempted contact and I was glad to "delete" all sounds of his voice and words. It would have been so easy to just pick up the phone when his voice spoke into it, or return the texts. But it was just like when I got clean, the first year was the hardest, and I never want to have to do that first year over again, so I don't use and I don't answer when he calls. It's just that simple.
So, in March of 2009 I just know I will have spent the year doing exactly what I needed to do. Whomever comes into my life is going to get one well adjusted, self healed, emotionally stable human being. All baggage will be dealt with and gone.
So,while sometimes I want to die of lonliness, I know in the end this is the most healthiest thing I have ever done and someone is going to reap the rewards of all my hard work.
It may be a long winter however.......
jb

Gelato........

I have experienced some intense things the last couple of weeks. However, I am ready to move on to a more cheery subject...Gelato.
This is creamy goodness that can cure all. Two days in a row, we have gone to Mio Gelato in the Pearl.
First trip my friend took me to cheer me up and get me out, the trip today to cheer up our other co worker having a rough time.
Let me tell you..once you pick your flavors and start walking and eating, you never get around to talking about your troubles; the conversation turns to how good the gelato is. Then what flavors you want to try next, whether you really should have gotten greedy and ordered three scoops today, and how whether you should keep the cute little shovel spoons to use at home.
I guess gelato really does cure all, because you temporarily forget your troubles. It's all about the gelato.
It's better than therapy
jb

Good-Bye Edie................

My friend's journey has ended. Edie died yesterday afternoon.
I received the official news this morning at work, however, I knew yesterday. I felt it. It was like she passed by me on her way to wherever she is going.
It was surreal getting the news at work. My phone was ringing, the e-mails were coming in, my workers were in my office. The usual Monday morning. I was choking back tears trying to get through it. It was not where I wanted to be. There was no time to just sit and absorb the news, to pay my respects. Alot of people didn't know yet and business was just going on as usual and it was pissing me off.
All the usual things were said to me today;' "at least she's not suffering" "she's in a better place now". No one ever just says, wow, this is fucked up.
Of course I am grateful that her pain has ended. I am happy she finally let go.
Is she in a better place? This I can not answer. It seems to me a better place would be for her to be here, cancer free and living her life. I never understood "the better place".
All day thoughts of her ran through my head. The Thanksgiving dinner, all the talks in the park, the Van Halen concert, The Rod Stewart concert, the countless hours of her sharing her self with me, the laughter she provided me at all the right times, the tears we shared, the scars she bared to me, the dances in her office, and most of all the love ;The endless amount of unconditional love she gave me.
I am a better person for having known her. She provided me what no other human could. That is the gift that was Edie.
My love and my respect are immense today. I am going to, for the first time, put some faith in the idea that there is a better place and that she is there.

jb