Good-Bye Edie................

My friend's journey has ended. Edie died yesterday afternoon.
I received the official news this morning at work, however, I knew yesterday. I felt it. It was like she passed by me on her way to wherever she is going.
It was surreal getting the news at work. My phone was ringing, the e-mails were coming in, my workers were in my office. The usual Monday morning. I was choking back tears trying to get through it. It was not where I wanted to be. There was no time to just sit and absorb the news, to pay my respects. Alot of people didn't know yet and business was just going on as usual and it was pissing me off.
All the usual things were said to me today;' "at least she's not suffering" "she's in a better place now". No one ever just says, wow, this is fucked up.
Of course I am grateful that her pain has ended. I am happy she finally let go.
Is she in a better place? This I can not answer. It seems to me a better place would be for her to be here, cancer free and living her life. I never understood "the better place".
All day thoughts of her ran through my head. The Thanksgiving dinner, all the talks in the park, the Van Halen concert, The Rod Stewart concert, the countless hours of her sharing her self with me, the laughter she provided me at all the right times, the tears we shared, the scars she bared to me, the dances in her office, and most of all the love ;The endless amount of unconditional love she gave me.
I am a better person for having known her. She provided me what no other human could. That is the gift that was Edie.
My love and my respect are immense today. I am going to, for the first time, put some faith in the idea that there is a better place and that she is there.

jb